I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize