last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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