so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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