I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
no you cant smoke seaweed
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
