just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
