tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
