My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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