Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
