you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
