I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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