Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
she peed on how many people?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
