Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
