i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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