What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
