Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
