Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
why is half of my head shaved?
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