You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Hippo gnu deer
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
