mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
