so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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