I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
