I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
