Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize