cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
