first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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