If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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