Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
How naked do you want me to be?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
