Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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