I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
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