How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'm too high and old for this...
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
