Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
