Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Randomize
