So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
