So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
