i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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