It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
My vagina just recognized that song.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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