Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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