he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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