I think I died a long time ago.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
