you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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