The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
