tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
