tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
