i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
