My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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