we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
