If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
