How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
