You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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