My girlfriend figured out who you are.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize