So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
