how hairy? two words: wookie tits
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
this is an emotional support booty call
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I party with great urgency now.
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