I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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