I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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