mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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