i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
