I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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