i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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