I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
