I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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