remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
