My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
