The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
