hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
