chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
