Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
