I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
