Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
