just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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