oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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