there was a trapeze. enough said
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
