so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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