His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
