Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
