omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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