i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Drunk is not a location!
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
