We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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