Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize