we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
