You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
